By Johnathon Lennox | Estate Planning Author
A woman (let’s call her “Marge”) wrote into an advice column about the fallout over her sister’s inheritance. Unlike most of the stories we’ve written about inheritance, “Marge” wasn’t exactly upset about it. In fact, she was glad that her sister inherited everything from their late mother. Unlike other articles, this isn’t about a typical sibling inheritance dispute. Not at all.
According to “Marge,” the mother left everything her sister, “Charlotte,” and “100% earned it,” for all the care “Charlotte” gave their ailing mother. “Marge” explained that the mother’s personality of “throwing tantrums” had a cumulative effect of a) forcing multiple carers to quit, and b), escalting to the point of getting kicked out of multiple senior homes (three, to be exact).
Someone like that would naturally be very difficult to deal with: “Marge” kept limited contact with her mother, limiting their interactions to holidays and supervised visits. “Charlotte” on the other hand, stepped-up, took care of their ailing mother, and even organized her schedule around doing so. To take some of the burden off “Charlotte”, “her sister “Marge” would always watch her neices and nephews, while “Charlotte” took care of the mother. In this way, everyone was involved in taking care of the family.
After the mother’s passing, “Charlotte” was rewarded with an inheritance large enough to treat both herself and her children: galivanting about on trips and buying her children nice toys. No hard feelings on “Marge’s” part, no sibling inheritance dispute here, but “Marge’s” children want to know how to explain this turn of events to her own children, who now are asking why they can’t go on the same nice vacations, have nice toys like their cousins, or worse yet, why grandma didn’t leave any money to “Marge.” “Marge” is befuddled about how to handle this delicate situation, and wants advice. There was no mention as to how old her kids are, and how much “Marge” can tell them.
It’s a thorny situation: ideally, “Charlotte” would be including her neices and nephews into mix, perhaps buying them in a nice toy or two, but ultimately, she did earn the inheritance. She can spend it the way she wants. No doubt, “Marge’s” children would question the money either way.
The answer the sister was given:
“Marge” was definately taking the high road, and thankfully, wasn’t upset about being essentially disowned by her difficult mother. “Charlotte” did all of the heavy lifting, and while she doesn’t begrudge “Charlotte” at all, the issue lies with how her own children are taking the issue regarding the money.
Perhaps some would tell “Marge” to just come out and be honest with her children about the disinheritance. However, “Marge” was provided with an entirely different path:
“Marge” was told that she may not want to break the news to her children yet, at least not until they were older. All “Marge’s” children really needed to know, was that “Charlotte” was given grandma’s money to pay for some nice things, and that “Marge” wasn’t, because she and grandma weren’t as close as “Charlotte” and grandma were. “Marge” was further advised to tell her sister that she was going to have this conversation with her kids, and it might lead to her kids talking to their cousins, which may bring up a (further) uncomfortable conversation among the entire family.
All in all, despite the fact that “Marge” wasn’t close with her mother, everything does sound wholesome: there was no animonisty between the siblings, no split between the sisters, no jealousy on anyone’s part, just sisters helping each other out when necessary.
It’s a refreshing inheritance story that (thankfully) doesn’t involve any sibling inheritance dispute. One of the few stories that we’ve written about where an inheritance doesn’t lead to a battle among family members.